


Vigil

by LiterallyThePresident



Category: Shatter Me Series - Tahereh Mafi
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Self-Indulgent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-15
Updated: 2018-07-15
Packaged: 2019-06-10 16:43:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15295761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LiterallyThePresident/pseuds/LiterallyThePresident
Summary: After Juliette and Adam leave Kenji’s hospital room, Castle lets himself breathe





	Vigil

Castle waited for Juliette to leave before he let himself slump, lifting a shaky hand to rest on Kenji’s leg. The medical wing was silent but for Sonya and Sara’s soft murmuring near the end. He was grateful to them for giving him space. He needed this moment to gather himself, to make his heart stop clenching with every soft breath Kenji took, to make the pit in his stomach dissipate. He took a deep, shaky breath, giving Kenji’s knee a squeeze as he tried to anchor himself.

 

Kenji almost died today. His precocious, willful, _wonderful_ charge had almost died at the hands of the girl he’d only ever tried to help. It was only Castle’s exhaustion that prevented him from dragging Juliette Ferrars out of his compound and banishing her himself, however accidental the incident had been. The terror that had gripped his heart when the girl had burst in, pale and sobbing and screaming about Kenji was all-consuming. He didn’t even know he’d started running until he was on the floor with stinging knees and Kenji’s still body cradled in his arms and a voice hoarse from screaming.

 

He’d thought it was all over then and there. His tentative peace, his happiness, his will to continue on in this damnable world. Juliette’s hands were uncovered and Kenji was limp and she was sobbing his name and all Castle could think was that Kenji was dead dead _dead_ and he wouldn’t be able to _live_ with himself if his boy was gone. Seeing his Kenji slumped pale and still in his arms, breathing shallow and face slack, was almost more than he could bear.

 

But he was okay. Kenji was okay and resting. He was going to be just fine, and Castle wasn’t letting him anywhere _near_ the battle tomorrow. He would stay here, safe and secure until he woke up. Until he was lively and energetic and himself again. Kenji Kishimoto should never be this still, this quiet. It wasn’t in his nature. He should be standing tall and grinning, vibrant and alive, spreading his warmth and cheer to the people who loved him. The pale form on the bed bore little resemblance to the boy he’d raised, the boy who once climbed a tree and then demanded Castle come get him because he didn’t feel like climbing down himself. The boy who would crawl into his jacket every night for a year to steal his warmth. The boy who insisted on leaving bits of food out to make sure starving animals could have a meager meal.

 

He wasn’t sure what had possessed him to tell Juliette and Adam what little he’d divulged about Kenji’s childhood. Perhaps he’d just wanted a chance to make them understand how precious Kenji was, how important. Perhaps seeing James curled into Kenji’s side, his little hands gripping his arm protectively had shattered something in him. Or perhaps he’d simply wanted an opportunity to brag about the man be considered a son. Either way, it had been a moment of weakness and now the damage was done. Hopefully no ill would come of it. Hopefully Kenji would forgive him. He’d always been a private person despite the friendly aura he projected. Kenji was complicated like that.

 

Castle slipped his hand under Kenji’s wrist and let his fingers rest at the pulse point, letting the steady thrum of it soothe some of his anxiety away. His other hand came to rest on Kenji’s chest, palm resting just over his heart as he stared at his slack face, watching for any sign of change. The beloved face remained unmoving, a sleep as deep as midnight casting his features in shadow. Looking at him now, fragile and pale, he could almost see the shivering little boy with the big dark eyes, staring at him from a frost-covered shopping cart. Sighing, he resigned himself to a long, sleepless night, unwilling to tear himself from Kenji’s side even for a moment. He tightened his grip on his hand just a little.

 

If Juliette _ever_ hurt Kenji again, if she so much as made his eyes misty, the Reestablishment would be the least of her concerns.

**Author's Note:**

> This is self-indulgent unbetaed shit, but I adore Kenji and felt that his relationship with Castle was left woefully unexplored. If anyone wants to scream about Shatter Me with me, my tumblr is a-greatbig-bottleof-fuck. Look for the widowmaker icon


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